| | America's engine runs on several dirty little secrets. On one hand, we publicly do not welcome illegal immigrants, but in reality, out economy is delicately intertwined with their cheap labor that undercuts union goons. We publicly condemn sweat shops, but we are not above trampling people to death at a Walmart to get a great deal on products produced by them. And much like the above examples, we are staunchly against unwanted pregnancy, but really, society as we know it can't run without them.
The success of any country is consistent population growth. The theory is that for every elderly person, there will be several younger ones to take care of them, kind of like a giant Ponzi Scheme (if the government does it, it's not illegal). If the population spikes too high, it creates a surplus, which we now know as the ticking time-bomb of the Baby Boomers. When the population dips back down to normal levels, suddenly, the next generation cannot sustain the burden of the previous one. This is why making sure population is on a steady rise is so crucial to our well-being.
Another important part of a successful economy is to make sure there are plenty of worker ants to maintain the lifestyle of the rich. We can either be Capitalists, where there are a few rich people and a lot of poor people, or we can have Communism, where everyone is poor. So for the American Capitalist system to work, you need a bottom-feeder class that is just poor enough to keep working for a buck, but not poor enough that they can't buy the stuff you're selling. We can't all be millionaires, otherwise it would be Communism and a loaf of bread would cost $20 trillion.
Our most reliable blue collar workforce and proletariat class usually stems from unwanted pregnancies. Countless families are formed because some guy accidentally knocked his girlfriend up and they decided to "do the right thing" by marrying. According to a respectable university double-blind study, 74% of us are products of unwanted pregnancies. Meaning, if our parents didn't get drunk and miss the timing on the pullout, then 74% of us wouldn't exist today (okay I made that up). Some will muster enough willpower to pull themselves up by their bootstraps and achieve middle class status, but many fall into the category of poor. After all, it's quite difficult to go to an esteemed university and obtain a rewarding career when you have to take care of a living crap/barf machine. Sure, maybe once in awhile you'll get lucky with an Obama, but look at the privileged upbringing of the past 43 White guys and you'll see the odds are not good.
So how does virginity come into play? Well, it throws a major cog into the machine. If teenagers abstain from sex, we lose a valuable resource of unwanted pregnancies. Who will man the Jiffy Lubes? Who will wash the plates at my favorite restaurant? Who will buy 99% of the junk circulating around to stimulate our economy? Who's going to hook up my cable? More importantly, if less people are having sex, then the population will continue to drop, which means we will create a population deficit which is killing places like Japan. If less people are having irresponsible sex, then naturally, there will be less chance of accidental births. This phenomenon, coupled with people that want to have a lot of sex and never settle down and have kids, such as myself, will create a one-two sucker punch to our population. If nobody picks up the burden of breeding, our economy and way of life will fall apart. This is why I applaud Bristol Palin. She understood how dire this situation is, so she took it upon herself to sacrifice her body, morals, and family image to produce an accidental baby. She is a true patriot.
If half-assed sexual education is scaring kids from sex by showing graphic pictures of STDs and overblowing the chances of condoms breaking, then I propose that we completely do away with sexual education of any kind. We need these kids to start making mistakes to counteract the virgins and abstinence-only programs. Our fate as a nation is at a razor's edge. This is a huge problem that we are going to face if we don't stop it now. Screw Global Climate Change, have sex, damn it!
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| | Posted 7/1/2009 10:32 PM - 58 Views - 17 eProps - 11 comments
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